I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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