I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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