My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
