You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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