thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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