I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
