Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
