Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
