Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
