the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize