So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
