Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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