Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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