I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
