im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
