they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
