The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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