I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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