Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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