There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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