You're my little dorito
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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