If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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