FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
