I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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