We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
