K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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