I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
