I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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