ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
