there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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