did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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