Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Randomize
