drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
