Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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