Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i love accidental penises.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
