Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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