you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
