she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
