I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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