is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
