Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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