she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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