First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
a search helicopter?!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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