please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
