if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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