This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
