Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I lost the right to judge tonight
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