We need to rekindle our bromance
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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