I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
COCAINE IS GR8
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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