even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
