woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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