...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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