Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
