yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
