so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
