Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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