Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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