But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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