Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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