Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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