I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
