never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
