My room smells like vodka and shame
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
