I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
