I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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