when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
