Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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