Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
